I always find something to smile about whenever webcomic XKCD updates, but I actually found this genuinely rather poignant!
“Good King Boroslav looked out,
on the night of grungers.
Saw them wurdling round about,
Armed with rubber plungers.
Brightly shone their artefacts,
Red their possets glowing.
He knew not from whence they came,
But he knew where they were going.
Out he went into the snow,
Loud his lummocks ringing.
With his moulies all aglow,
And his trousers clinging.
Back he brought those grungers bold
Warmed them by the fire dogs,
Saved them from the bitter cold
By thawing out their Yule logs.
Those who would a grunger be,
Take heed of this warning.
For there is no guarantee,
You will live till morning.
If you wurdle in the snow
In a spot you’ve chosen.
Dawn’s first light is going to show
Your woggling irons are frozen”
To be sung to the tune of Good King Wenceslas, courtesy of Rambling Syd Rumpo (as sung to Barry Took and Marty Feldman)
My parents-in-law own a garden centre, and nothing enlivens my visits to see them more than to see a tray of fat balls for sale in the shop (yes, I know I have a juvenile sense of humour!)
Thus I particularly enjoyed this post (with the superb picture above) by master satirist The Lakelander on semi-professional Piers Fletcher-Dervish impersonator Ed Balls.
Bookmark The Lakelander’s blog. It’s great.
James Kirkup (day job – Political correspondent at the Telegraph), responding to the remarks of Spring Watch irritant Chris Packham, puts the boot into the Giant Panda on his blog here…
“Thank you Chris Packham, thank you. Thank you for saying something I’ve been trying to persuade people of for years. Pandas are pointless, wasteful and silly. They should die.
Let’s look at the facts here. A lot of conservationists argue that pandas are the victims of man’s actions, that urbanisation and industrialisation is killing the precious bamboo they need to live.
Eh? Bamboo? They are bears, but they eat leaves. Hello, excuse me? Panda bear. Bear. You know, large, aggressive carnivore. Big teeth, claws. Grrrr. You’re supposed to eat meat. What on earth is with the bamboo thing? A panda’s digestive system is still set up to digest meat. The reason they can only eat only one of the hundreds of different types of bamboo the world has to offer is that their guts aren’t supposed to break down bamboo. It’s elevating fussiness to the level of suicide. It’s like me eating only car tyres and gravel and then asking for sympathy when I starve to death. Idiots.
As for industrialisation and all that, well, hey, it doesn’t seem to bother other animals. I don’t see foxes complaining about cities. Rats seem able to cope with cities rather well. Countless other species seem to be able to deal with a changing world without going bleating to the WWF. This is evolution: adapt or die. Being cute and fluffy doesn’t give you any special rights, fatso.
Then there’s sex. Pandas don’t like sex. All that weird, zoo-keeper stuff about putting two of them in a cage and seeing if they’ll mate. Honestly, an animal either wants to perpetuate its genes or it doesn’t. And the idiot-bears clearly have some species-wide death-wish. Who are we to stand in their way? I thought the whole conservationism thing was about allowing nature to follow its own course without human interference?
Pandas don’t work. Let them go.
Incidentally, keeping each of the 150-odd pandas currently in captivity costs around £1.5 million a year. How many of our own species could we feed and house for that? We should turn the podgy oxygen-thieves out on their stupid furry ears and see how long they last on the streets with the foxes.
Actually, that would be a waste. After all, there must be some good eating on a panda. These are 300-lb grass-fed animals raised in organic conditions with exquisite care. At the very least it’s got to be worth a try. Panda steak, anyone?”
He’s got a point, though, hasn’t he!